I Love Lamictal

My doctor gave me the Bipolar diagnosis earlier this year.* It made sense at the time but I doubted it when the medications I started didn't work (I was allergic to Zoloft). After the second medication didn't work (Effexor wouldn't be safe without birth control, and I hate birth control), I really didn't care to take meds at all. I believed I'd be fine and that I actually didn't need them. It didn't take long for me to change my mind and try a third kind: Lamictal.

I love Lamictal because

• my moods are consistent from day to day, from minute to minute, from week to week.
• I am productive! because I don't lose interest or give up on projects before they are finished.
• my behaviors are consistent.
• I can have a routine! 
• I make breakfast in the morning. And clean up after. And do it again the next day! I even make dinner!! 
• I can remember what I did yesterday. I can remember what I did last week! And tomorrow I will remember what my plans are, and I will have the energy and fortitude to follow through. Even if I don't get everything done, I'll be OK. I won't beat myself up about it. 
• I have control of myself and my life.
• I feel genuinely positive about my future. 
• I actually kind of like myself. 

I'm happy and sad at the same time. Mostly happy because I am so grateful that my life quality has increased so much. I'm sad because for most of my life I had no idea what my problem was. But I knew something wasn't right, so that's why I didn't give up searching. 

*I feel like I should share what my life was like before the diagnosis and before I started Lamictal, for the sake of others who may have questions about their own behaviors and moods. My experiences are my own, though. I'm no professional. 

Before the diagnosis: 

• I couldn't remember what I was doing or feeling last week or even just a few days ago.
• I was depressed much of the time. 
• When I wasn't depressed I was either catatonic or manic.
• Mania for me included: spending money we didn't have, starting grandiose projects and giving up on them quickly, talking rapidly and for long periods of time. Justifying skipping school to go shopping or work on said projects.
• My catatonia was like spending all day in bed sleeping and only getting up to pee. Never showering. Never eating. Skipping classes.
• Depression was the most constant feeling. It was always there, so I never realized it was depression.