Thursday, February 26, 2015

Honest and Unedited Ramblings on Fertility

I feel so ashamed.

I want a baby so bad it breaks my heart.

I feel like my infertility is the disgusting elephant in the room. Everybody knows but nobody says anything about it.

I feel like the best thing is to hide my face and never look at my in-laws again.

I feel so ashamed that the wife of their son has been unable to give them a grandchild.

I'm afraid I am a disappointment to them forever because I'm too old to redeem myself.

I am currently ashamed and mortified that Dusty's cousin fell pregnant after six months when we couldn't do the same in six years. I don't ever want to show my face around them again.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Meet Dawna Belle

We adopted Dawna Belle from the Colorado Springs Humane Society in 2009 after the tragic disappearance of our girl cat Mae. According to the Humane Society, Dawna had been one of several cats, several dogs, and several birds  brought into custody after the death of their elderly human mom.

Dawna is about 8 or 10 years old and she's a tri-colored Torbie with asymmetrical markings. She has one black leg and the other three are tortoise. All of her paws are white. 

She's loyal, observant, and consistent. She loves to sit on my lap and purr. She never grows tired of it and could sit there for hours, purring the whole time and reaching out to touch my hand. She's also easy going and patient, except for when we fostered her cousin Tuff for a few weeks. She hated him for no clear reason and refused to come out from under the bed until he was gone. Otherwise, she likes the companionship of our 2 year old boy cat Wingman (Mingy). She doesn't mind that he is rambunctious sometimes because he is sweet to her.

She is very shy and doesn't really care for men. After me, her favorite people are grandmothers. She's not sure about children, having no real experience with them other than when my nephew came to visit once. She watched him from a distance until he was gone.

She'll come outside on occasion, but only if I'm on the porch and only if the door stays open. She could do without the outside and never begs to go out.

Dawna's favorite food is canned Fancy Feast of the sliced or grilled variety. She also likes deli meat and those little cat treats that come in a small bag.

Sometimes she'll play but it's rare and she is usually very shy about it. If I see her playing with a toy she'll run and hide. A few times a month she'll run around the house chasing things invisible to the human eye. 

She has come a long way since we adopted her. Not only has she come with us all the way from Colorado, she has gained confidence every year she's been with us. From a shy girl who observed everything from afar to a mature lady who allows every woman in the room to hold her on their laps, Dawna Belle is my sweet loyal companion. She's soft and clean and warm and snuggly and I love her.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

I'm a Substitute Teacher

I resigned from being a shift manager at Subway. It wasn't a bad job but I wasn't happy doing it. I miss my coworkers and my customers, but I never enjoyed handling meat products all the time (I'm still a vegetarian). Plus, I would always hurt myself lifting heavy things and pushing myself to work faster, and came home sore and smelling like sour sandwiches. Yuck!

One of my goals this year was to get a substitute teaching license, which I did within the first few weeks of 2015. I am now licensed in Ohio to substitute teach in any subject and any grade. For long term assignments I can teach social studies and humanities to grades 7-12.

When I became licensed, I started getting early morning job offers every school day. If I was scheduled at Subway that day I had to decline the offer to substitute teach. It soon became frustrating that so often I would decline a teaching job so I could work for less pay doing something I didn't really like. Soon I decided to quit working at Subway and pursue substitute teaching full time. I left a job making subs so I could be a sub instead.

And that's how I became a substitute teacher.